Sunday, July 7, 2019

Top 10 Things Fetzer Can Do To Raise $1 Million

Throwback to Jim's first award from F.A.R.T.

10...Take his magic act to Vegas where he pulls ridiculous statements out of his ass.

9... Combine efforts with Raff* to convert their unsold books to toilet paper.

8...Contract with Party City to inflate balloons at 10 cents a blow.

7...Hook up with Judyth and then abscond with her various medical fundraiser accounts.

6...Get Larry Rivera to morph a $1 bill into a $1,000,000,000 bill.

5...Sell tickets in Israel to watch Don Fox shove his Da Jooos bell up his ass.

4...Open a dunking booth at Judyth's next conference.

3...Become Depend® Adult Incontinence Products' next spokesman.

2...Convince Kraft-Heinz to let him start his own version of Planter's Mixed Nuts.

1...Sue the University of Minnesota - Duluth for granting him the title of McKnight Professor of Philosophy Emeritus and giving him the false sense of intelligence that got him into his current dilemma.

3 comments:

  1. B, I appreciated your humor especially in no. 2 with the allusion to Planter's Mixed Nuts. :)

    For Fetzer and Palecek, there may be an eleventh-hour option #11 by following the lead of Dave Gahary in retracting publications about Sandy Hook and apologizing to the Plaintiff. How would you assess the odds for an eleventh-hour settlement that precludes an October trial by jury that Fetzer and Palecek would almost certainly lose?

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  2. The odds on Fetzer admitting he was wrong? A bazillion to one.

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  3. I concur that the odds of Fezter admitting that he was wrong about anything would be prohibitive in any of his internet discussions. For years, he has perfected the art of Fetzering from the comfort zone of his computer keyboard. But he now finds himself in the real world and a legal arena that does not allow Fetzering in its house rules for playing poker. Fetzer has already brought shame upon his family members; will he also bring them to financial ruin? If Fetzer has a conscience, he would also be concerned about the precarious state of his disciple Palecek, who was described in the court record as "a man of modest means." If there were a Las Vegas betting line, I suspect that the odds might be 50-50 that Fetzer finally gets an attorney who convinces him to make a retraction in order to avoid an October trial for damages of as much or more than $1 million.

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